At some point in time we will all feel unqualified to give advice, share our stories or even do certain tasks. Being unqualified is not a bad thing. Honestly, I am unqualified to be a wife, mom, leader, writer and speaker MOST days.
Or is it that I just feel unqualified?!
These questions and feelings have been circling my brain for far too long.
What makes any one qualified to do anything?
In order to get “qualified” we MUST show up and get to work, right?
Showing up to our lives even in the midst of struggle is exactly how we become qualified. The alternative is to stay numb and void of learning how to manage this life. And I have done my fair share of numbing in the past few months… seriously enough numbing for a few lifetimes.
This morning I woke up asking myself why have I given up on myself; why have I given up on trying to deal with this brokenness I have been feeling deep inside?
And the truth is it can be hard sometimes. It can be overwhelming to deal with your mental health and internal struggles. Years of filing away, stuffing and avoiding came crashing down this year. I stopped writing. I stopped dealing and I began to numb. Numbing with food, wine and television. Numbing gets us nowhere and yet, it was how I began to deal with the pain.
Numbing is void of healing.
Healing begins when we admit we are done with numbing… and sadly this does not happen overnight.
We have to find what helps us to stop numbing. We have to discover what it is that will help us process the pain and darkness within us before it destroys everything around us. We have to begin to see that the patterns in our life make up who we are and yet we have an opportunity everyday to write a new story.
Hiding out and pretending we are not qualified for the lives we wake into will only keep us running to numb. Embracing our lives and taking the next step will dim the struggle and build the confidence to move forward.
As I sat contemplating these truths and lies about myself I realized writing is how I am going to stop numbing. Sharing the struggles in the midst of the struggle is how I am going to stop numbing. Being honest and real is how I am going to heal. Hiding and pretending is only adding to the brokenness inside. Bringing to light my story and struggle may have a bigger purpose if I am willing to not allow pride to taint my words.
It is okay to not be okay.
Find people who are okay with your not okay self so, you too can begin to numb less and heal more.
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