The birds are chirping and the smell of fresh coffee fills the air. As I finish the final words of Shauna Niequist’s Present Over Perfect and am watching my sleeping twelve-year-old son in front of me I am undone in a new and exciting way…not undone like after Easter this year but, undone none the less.
All my dreams and ideas for my future have vanished.
All my passion and hustle to make a business are gone.
Left with peace and certainty that I have wasted enough time striving for more and needed to make room for simplicity, make room for enjoying the gifts I have been given.
Far too often I have caught myself saying how thankful I am for my career and the time it affords me to be a wife and mom but, I fill said time with plenty of hustle.
Why?
If I am seriously thankful for my job, my marriage and my son then why am I not spending more time relaxing and enjoying them?
Why am I hustling?
What if I have gotten it all wrong?
What if what I thought was a dream was really a distraction from my life’s purpose?
To love, honor and respect my husband.
To love, support and help my son become a good person.
To connect, encourage and inspire the amazing women in my community.
Have I gotten lost in the social media hype of becoming like someone he never intended me to be in this life?
Is this hunt causing me to miss the small moments in life?
The simplicity of playing chess or Uno with my son.
The peace and rest I feel laying next to my husband watching Suits or Orphan Black (our shows at the moment).
The fun of going deep with a couple of amazing women in my community.
Dreaming big is not wrong.
Hustling to succeed is not bad.
But, what if all of the above is making you miss out on the blessings of today?
What if all the stress and chaos is sucking the life out of you leaving you depleted and miserable?
What if stepping back would bring the true gift of happiness?
Maybe it is time to scrap all the lofty dreams and instead start living each day to the fullest. I could be wrong or I could begin to live a more free and enjoyable life… only time will tell.
For now I am going to focus on learning to rest in his love and learning to live in the moments he has given me today.
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