My words have fallen void and lifeless in the last two weeks. I have found myself frustrated and feeling lost. My hope has become diluted with feeling less than and like a mistake.
Here is where I am.
This idea that we need to only share the good, joyous and happy moments in life is bullshit.
Real life sucks at times.
Bad things happen.
Why do we only share the highlights?
What a foolish question! You will find the answer in your own garden! When you put a seed into the ground it doesn’t grow into a plant unless it “dies” first. And when the green shoot comes up out of the seed, it is very different from the seed you first planted. –1 Corinthians 15:36-37
In the midst of all of this I have come to realize that sharing where I am right now has nothing to do with my value or significance. Matter of fact it’s NOT God’s plan for me to stay stuck.
It is NOT God’s plan for you to stay stuck either.
He wants me to stop looking at this mess around me and instead trust he can and will make everything new again.
I am not sure about you but, my heart longs to feel significant. My heart longs to be loved and on purpose with my life. My heart longs to matter.
Learning to allow my significance to come from God is not easy. And honestly, the journey has many ups and downs. Moments of feeling great and on point followed by moments of feeling like an utter failure.
Here is where I am but, here is not where I have to stay.
I do not have to stay stuck in my cycle of emotional breakdowns.
I do not have to allow my anxiety to keep me from reaching out for connection.
I do not have to cosign anyone else’s bull.
I do not have to pretend life is perfect and I have it all figured out.
All I can do is admit where I am and share the hope of where I am going in life.
Hope lies in trusting and believing God created me for more than this right now. He created me to be a respectful and supportive wife. He created me to be a creative and guiding mother. He created me to be a friend to those in my community. He created me to write and lead through my experiences and journey.
So, here I sit trusting and believing this season of feeling stuck and uncertain is for a purpose.
And here I tell you that you are not alone in your own stuck and uncertain circumstance.
Be encouraged that he is not through with you yet, and his plans for your life are greater than you can even imagine.
But, first you have to choose to no longer play the fake covered up game this word is telling you is right and start living your messy jacked up truth. The truth will not only set you free but, it will take you to wider space with the Father. And who doesn’t long to be in wider more freeing space to explore this adventure of life.
Father God we thank you that it is okay to feel stuck and uncertain. We thank you that you do not expect us to fake it until we make it and instead seek for us to find freedom in the messes of life. We ask that you guide us, lead us and help us to NEVER give up when it gets hard. We thank you and praise you for loving us no matter what, amen.
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